It’s funny, I didn’t think going gluten free would be terribly difficult after I stood in the entire aisle dedicated to GF at Whole Foods, saw the list of restaurants that will do GF meals and saw that Trader Joe’s (my personal piece of heaven) has a list of EVERY. SINGLE. THING. in the store that’s gluten free.
Then I went to a wedding of two friends. Sidebar – it was a beautiful wedding and the couple in question are actually quite amazing and have great taste, so I knew it would be a classy affair with a twist of alternativeness.
Anyway, this is where the four funerals part comes in. It’s time to mourn my four favorite gluten-laden items at a wedding/classy party. Things I didn’t know I’d miss (or didn’t know quite how acutely I’d miss) until this weekend. They are in the order in which I encountered them during the weekend.
1.Crab cakes, but more specifically, mini crab cakes. How did I not think of this food immediately? I love crab cakes and have since my family first went to the Outer Banks of NC for a beach vacation when I was 11 or 12. On that first trip, I made it my mission to eat at least one crab cake per day. And I succeeded, of course. It’s not tough and I’m extremely goal oriented. I knew hors d’ oeuvres weren’t going to be easy, but then the woman offered me a tiny, perfect crab cake. I said, “oh, no thanks,” like some kind of martyr and then silently cursed gluten for the remainder of the cocktail hour.
2. Hot rolls. You know the kind. They’re dusted with flour and steam when cracked open. Yeah, those. Well, I thought I was going to cry when I saw my table mates digging into those at the rehearsal dinner. The way the butter melted inside them. Christ, it was tough. My boyfriend said they weren’t that good and then ate 6 of them. I know better.
3. Being treated normally by servers/Cake. This one is a tie, and you’ll soon read why. When the rehearsal dinner toasts were over and they cut the adorable cake, I knew it was going to be difficult to say no to cake. I LOVE cake, and I thought that was going to be my biggest hurdle of the weekend. It may be – but it’s tied with being treated normally by servers. The waitress came around delivering slices of cake and said, “None for you!” I know she smirked and I just smiled. Yup, none for me. That’s why I ordered the special meal, and thanks for rubbing it in.
4. Getting slightly tipsy from beer. I really enjoy tipping back a few beers. I’m a self-professed beer girl. I actually used it many times as a technique to flirt with cute boys (current boyfriend included). So to know that I had to drink wine instead hurt. A lot. But I didn’t realize that my Celiac disease probably prevented me from being a serious drunk at parties. When I drink beer, like when I eat/drink anything with gluten, I immediately bloat up like a balloon. This made me stop or slow down! With wine, it doesn’t DO THAT! Then how do I know when to stop? I usually don’t (ask friends who attended the Dawn-Neal wedding when I drank white wine and blacked out before the sun went down). This time I realized it was time to stop when I was posing for a photo with Who’s Bad, the Ultimate Michael Jackson tribute band, and heard myself tell them I’d be their lead singer if they wanted to go on stage and perform. I guess that’s how I’ll know in the future.
